So, as many of you know, I was supposed to move to Hong Kong at the end of April, and well … I’m still in SA. I was really excited to go to Hong Kong, but as they say “something came up”. This is the story of that something.
Towards the end of March, I had still not submitted my visa papers and I was starting to feel like something was wrong. I was majorly depressed, suicidal and generally a wreck. On the 9th, I decided that I couldn’t go on like this. I made an appointment with my doctor, and basically the conversation came down to having myself committed or my doctor would have to phone my folks and tell them to start planning my funeral. I was at the point where I was googling how to mix household chemicals to kill myself or I was planning on throwing myself in front of a moving vehicle. it wasn’t a fun time to exist. On the 10th, I spoke to my doctor and on the 11th I was admitted to Denmar Psychiatric Hospital. I can also say that it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
I was in Denmar for 3 weeks where I was diagnosed Bipolar II and was put on medication. I was also diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD. Those kind of go hand in hand with the Bipolar. I fought the diagnosis for a while, and even with the help of my fellow patients and friends who are Bipolar, I refused to accept it. I was severely manic during that period, and had a fling with a patient (totally against the rules). After telling my psychologist about this, and basically going into radio silence (causing my mom to phone my shrink), I cracked. This was a turning point for me, a moment when I realised that being Bipolar isn’t the end of the world, nor is it a defining part of who I am. I came to the conclusion that being bipolar is like having toes: I have toes, they’re part of me, but I’m not my toes nor am I defined by them, and I’m still me. Being bipolar is just a condition, and a manageable one at that. That was when I started to heal. I’ve made peace with my condition, and that was also when I realised that moving to Hong Kong would be a very bad idea. The major factor was being in a country that doesn’t have a high standard of psychiatric care (they’d suggest going to a temple) and also a totally foreign country where I would have NO support structure. This made me decide that in the end, Hong Kong right now isn’t a good idea.
It’s not all doom & gloom though. My life has changed so much and for the better: I met an amazing man, I’m starting to take control of my life, and I moved. I think another reason I went nuts was that my time in Irene Mall Flight Centre had to come to an end. I am now in our Brooklyn Mall branch, living in Menlo Park, and I’m loving every second of it. I also have an amazing boyfriend. We’ve only been together a month but @ricky_d_lubbewho I love dearly, and endlessly, is my rock – he is so supportive, loving and caring. It’s a very strange feeling to trust someone so completely, and love them so deeply. Kobus was not a great part of my life, but it’s nice to be able to say that I’m truly free of him, over him and I’ve moved on.
My time in Denmar also gave me new perspective on family: my parents are wonderful, truly wonderful, and I am so blessed to have them. They are the only two people on the planet who will ever love me so unconditionally, and even though I mess up royally, they’ll always be there to help, and guide me – even one day when I’m 90! That is something I truly came to value, and if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
So there you go, Taryn is no longer taking on Hong Kong, and that’s okay – everything works out the way it should
Lots of love kids x