It’s so strange when 10 years of your life come to an end. It happens as most things do – gradually and then suddenly and then you realise that nothing is beginning the same again.
It happened very differently from what I expected. There was no fight, or bang. It’s as though we’ve fallen off each other’s radars. The realization came when I tried to tell you about my promotion and 10 days later and don’t think you’ve responded, let alone congratulate me. Part of me is happy because part of me is free of the self-pitying and self-doubts that came with your friendship and the feeling of inferiority that came with comparing myself to you. Part of me is glad; part of me has never felt good enough next to you because I don’t have a cool boyfriend or a cool job and I’m not as tall and skinny or as pretty. Frankly I’m so glad to be over that.
The other part of me grieves for us. 10 years is a long time, and to be thrown away so trivially, seems to be a slap in the face.
I grieve for the loss for the loss of my best friend … but at the same time I don’t.
Maybe soon, I’ll be able to really convey the way I feel. One day.